act ii — NINEESHA

Act
(Spirit)
II

act ii : spirit

produced by j. mordechai

expression as invitation

it’s 2025 and life has changed quite a bit. my relationship ended, i changed jobs, i stopped going to that jam session, and america’s imperialist/authoritarian grip is getting stronger. i got anxious and stopped posting on social media and protesting and then started feeling jaded/embarrassed about the 'activism' i was proudly doing in previous years. i decided to just focus on not being bound by anxiety and live my happy life. i ended up doing the exact thing i was upset at others for — opting out of 'action'/information and focusing on my own sanity. maybe i just told myself i needed to focus on being sane when really i just felt disempowered, skeptical and overwhelmed. i was embarrassed about my self righteousness in previous years and had bouts of nihilism/slight depression that felt harder to get out of.

then one day in june, during one of my most nihilistic moments, i made vindaloo curry and blackberry cobbler for my friends. the curry wasn't that good but the cobbler was. and my god it felt good to decide to make something and for others to enjoy it. my emotional/mental state didn’t preclude my friends enjoying what i had made.

i had a show the same week and while i was watching one of my dear friends perform, i was once again struck by how amazing it is that people just decide to create. bring something to the present that didn't exist before for at least even a moment of pleasure, relief or comfort. live music, especially improvised, is a practice of gratitude and presence.

throughout 2025, i started realizing how much of existing in this very intense political moment is about building capacity for feelings, being honest about the hard shit that lives inside of us and building habits oriented towards others that can maybe persist through fluctuating emotions. i hope to embody this so that i can invite others into realizing they can do this as well. i want to be known as someone who tries, even if i embarrass myself or make ‘mistakes’.

like usual, i could list a handful of things i wish i did better in this ep, but what i am really proud of is that i just tried different things. jordan, who produced this ep, was such a safe and non-judgmental voice and really allowed me to get out of my comfort zone. this ep feels more vulnerable – musically, because i am exploring; personally, because some of these feelings are hard to admit. yet, in the last year, confronting those things within myself was necessary to connect back to the throughline in my life that leads me back to more love and connection.

i am hoping this music will invite others into this possibility for themselves.